life! and all that goes with it

I've been faced with hard choices lately. One I will not mention. And the other I will.

My hubby has been looking for a full-time job for quite some time now. He applied for a state trooper position and was supposed to go take the test today.

Over the weekend, while we were in Waco, he was offered another job opportunity that seems like a better "deal" than the state trooper possibility. We decided together that he would not continue with the state trooper deal because it would inevitably put us in a position where we'd rather not be. That being that he'd be committing to a job for more than a couple of years. We both only have two classes each that we need to take in order to be able to apply for MAF. If he did the state trooper deal then that would be put on hold for a long while when all we need is about a year, at most, to complete the requirements.

This other option would be full-time, more flexible, less training and the commitment is as much and as long as we choose. We're not trying to take the easy way out by any means, just trying to be as wise as possible to get to our ultimate goal. Also, with the state trooper thing he'd have to be away for 6 months at a police academy starting at the end of September...which would put him there a month AFTER the baby is born. This is not okay with me. The more I thought about it the more I cringed at the thought of being home alone with my two babies for a month...and in the very beginning stages of it all. No thank you. Not only that but being at the very end of my pregnancy, alone and with a toddler. AHHHHH.

Mainly, I want my husband's dreams to come true. If his dream was to be a state trooper I'd be rooting for him to do that. If his dream was to drive a school bus I'd be rooting for him to do that. If his dream was to be an acrobat I'd be rooting for him to do that. BUT, since his dream is to be a missionary pilot I (we) must closely consider the wisest steps to get to that point and do what it takes to be there. And if doing what it takes means going against whatever everyone else seems to think would be the better decision than that's what we have to do.

I want a comfortable life, like every other woman out there, but I want a meaningful life also. Obviously, raising my kids is as meaningful as it comes but I want something so much more for my family. I want to live with compassion, I want to make a difference, I want my kiddos to know what it means to give, help and appreciate all the good things out there. As much as I'd love to live the "American dream" I'd so much more love to be living it some where that my husband is living up to his FULLEST potential in life, my kids are happy and safe and I'm able to make a difference. Whether that be here in Texas or across the world in India, I don't care. Obviously, I haven't talked about this much at all on my blog, I lost my vision for it all once we got to a place where it seemed it would never happen, but I don't want to lose vision. I don't want to replace the reality that the world is in need with the fantasy that everyone everywhere is living an easy and happy life.

I must keep before me always, "Where there is no vision, the people perish" Pv. 29:18

All that to say that just because it's not the ideal for your family doesn't mean I think you less or weird. It makes you different than our family and different is good! If we were all the same the world would be way boring and friends wouldn't be as much fun. And I do love the few friends I have!

I'm not sure if any of that makes any sense at all, I'm just trying to process everything. If you have any words of wisdom or encouragement feel free to leave a comment ;-).